


And I Will Try to Fix You

by wolfie_winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Needs Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, M/M, Mark of Cain, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:37:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3400430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_winchester/pseuds/wolfie_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The truth is, I'm past saving." </p><p>Dean's not stupid. He knows Cain was telling the truth. There is no cure for the Mark, no way to stop the monster he will inevitably become. He only wishes that the other two would realize it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Will Try to Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 10x14 - The Executioner's Song
> 
> Title from the song Fix You by Coldplay

Sam had said there was hope for him yet. But he was wrong. So, so wrong. Dean knew it. Sam knew it. And the angel standing in the doorway knew it as well. It was just less painful to believe otherwise. As he collapses onto his bed, shattered and crushed beneath the weight of Cain’s promise, Dean knows that there’s no such thing as hope left for him. Every struggle against the Mark, every time he fought tooth and nail not to give in to the darkness that threatened to consume him, it was all for nothing.

 

He’d known it all along. There is no cure. There is no escaping the monster he’ll inevitably turn into. There is no happy ending for him, no matter how hard he begs, _prays_ for this to stop. Cain’s words ring heavily in his mind, a dark prediction for what’s to come and it all crashes down like shards of glass, sharp and painful.

 

Killing Crowley, he could deal with. He’d come to appreciate the King’s easy compliance with them, but he wouldn’t miss another demon. The wound would heal.

 

_And then you’d kill the angel Castiel. Now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful._

 

The thought of hurting Cas, of taking the First Blade in his hands and watching the light leave his angel’s eyes makes his heart throb and the breath catch in his throat. All that Cas has done for him, all that he’s sacrificed and Dean will repay him with a knife in his heart.

 

_And then, then would come the murder you’d never survive. The one that would finally turn you into as much of a savage as it did me. Your brother, Sam._

 

“No.”

 

He’d said it before and he says it now to the empty room, the single syllable choking him as he realizes that it’s inevitable. The one person his whole life has revolved around ever since he carried him out of the fire. The one who he’d give anything - has given everything and then some - to keep safe. Sam, who Dean has tried so hard to protect, is going to die by his own hand. No matter how much he tries to deny it, he knows the truth. He knows that when the time comes and the Mark takes over, he’ll be unstoppable. He’ll drive the First Blade into his brother’s chest, but it’ll kill the both of them.

 

“No,” he repeats, louder this time, forcing the word out, as if saying it aloud will somehow stop what’s fated to happen. He presses his palms to his eyes, ignoring the twinge of his injuries. “No. No, please God, no.”

 

Before he knows it, Dean is shouting the word, in between the sobs that wrack his body as reality finally sinks in. He doesn’t hear the footsteps bounding down the halls. He doesn’t hear the door as it’s kicked open. The only thing he can do is push Sam and Castiel away when they try to comfort him because he’s poison and he’s going to kill the only people who’ve loved him despite the monster he’s turning into.

 

“No. Go. Just leave me alone,” he moans in despair. “Please. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“Dean, what are you talking about?”

 

He shakes his head, unable to get more than a few words out before he tries to push the other two away again. Eventually, Sam wraps his arms around him, holding the older hunter tightly. Dean struggles for all of two seconds before he simply clutches his brother back, holding on for dear life. He buries his face in Sam’s chest, shoulders shaking as he cries.

 

Sam tries his best to calm him, one giant hand rubbing circles on Dean’s back. He keeps trying to comfort him. Telling him it’ll be okay. They’ll work something out. But he’s wrong and Dean shakes his head and tells him so. It’s useless, as futile an effort as any. Trying to save him is like trying to stop the sun from being hot.

 

“Dean, it’ll be okay. Shhh,” Sam murmurs. “We’ll find a way to save you. I swear.”

 

“No, y-you don’t understand. Cain was right. I’m going to give in. I’m going to kill both of you,” Dean says. The words hang heavy in the air, weighing on him like something physical that threatens to suffocate him. Dean swallows hard and breathes out shakily. “You have to kill me before I kill you, Sammy.”

 

“Never. Don’t talk like that. There _is_ a cure and we _will_ find it, I swear to God. I won’t stop until I can find a way to get rid of that thing.”

 

Dean shakes his head, unable to believe in something so ridiculous. He looks over to where Cas is standing and he meets the angel’s watery eyes.

 

“Cas. You promised me if I ever went dark side, you’d do what you had to,” he says.

 

“Dean...I-”

 

“You made me a promise. Keep it. You said to me once that you’d do anything for me. So do this. When the time comes, you have to-”

 

Cas cuts him off with a sharp bark of his name. Dean’s mouth snaps shut and Cas approaches the bed slowly. He sits down and lays a hand on Dean’s cheek, cupping it lightly, thumb stroking the skin there. Dean can feel the warm touch of grace that starts to heal the wounds on his face. He jerks away from it, shutting his eyes tightly.

 

“Don’t.”

 

“Dean, please. You are in pain. Let me help you,” Cas murmurs. Dean knows it’s pointless to tell him no. He leans into the angel’s touch, well aware that he doesn’t deserve the wave of relief that goes through him as Cas heals his wounds. When he feels warm, chapped lips press against his forehead, his eyes snap open.

 

“Cas, what are you-”

 

“Shush now. You’re still in so much pain. I wish to help you in any way I can,” Cas says. He takes Dean from Sam’s arms and holds him in an embrace so intimate he feels the breath go out of him.

 

“Cas,” he whispers. “Why?”

 

“Because you are worthy. Because you are strong and brave and beautiful and you don’t deserve any of this,” Cas murmurs back, leaning forward until their foreheads touch. “Because I love you.” he says, heartfelt and sincere. Dean chokes on another cry and closes his eyes, feels hot tears slip down his cheeks even though Cas brushes them away with a thumb.

 

“We’ll find a way to fix this, Dean,” Sam says quietly in light of Cas’ confession. “I promise you that.”

 

Dean still can’t bring himself to believe that. Things like that don’t happen. Not to people like him. But Cas and Sam are convinced that he can be saved, impossible a feat though it is, and he’s content to let them think it for as long as it takes for them to realize the truth. It’ll make them feel better and God knows they need that with all that’s been going on. So Dean nods and pretends to smile, pretends to hope. He acts like he believes Castiel when the angel tells him how much he loves him. They see right through him, he knows, but at least he’s trying.

 

Yet as the days go on, the darkness fades and the smile on his face starts to become more genuine. Sam takes him out on cases and while he still searches for a cure, things are about as normal as they can get for them. For that, Dean is grateful. It distracts him from the monster lurking inside him, waiting for the opportunity to rear its ugly head. And when Castiel kisses him for the first time, both of them covered in blood and monster guts, scraped and bruised but alive, he feels the monster lose some of its power.

 

“I love you.”

 

Castiel says it again as they lie in bed together, limbs tangled together, sweat cooling on their skin. Dean wipes at his eyes, always insisting that he’s just tired and not crying. But he’s not sad anymore. He’s actually really happy. It’s absurd and he knows that in their situation he should have no right to be, but he is. The Mark hasn’t bothered him in weeks now and there’s always the concern he has that it’ll flare up again at a moment’s notice, but here, at home with the angel he’s starting to realize he loves just as much, it all feels worlds away.

 

Dean rolls onto his side and pulls Cas closer to him, their chests almost touching and he pushes a stray strand of hair away from his lover’s face. His heart beats out a rapid rhythm against his rib cage and he’s never really liked the phrase ‘butterflies in your tummy’ but it’s the only thing that comes to mind to describe how he feels now.

 

“I love you too,” he whispers, pulling Cas into a sweet, chaste kiss. The angel hums contently and places a hand on Dean’s shoulder where his handprint used to be so many years ago. He might have less strength now, with his waning grace and clipped wings. And Dean’s soul is definitely not as pure as it had been, but the angel smiles anyway and the hunter thinks that maybe, just maybe, he has a chance to be saved.

  
  



End file.
